Morton Slumber in Diamonds Are Forever

Yeah, I bought a Bieber polish.

It's called "OMB!" and is a GORGEOUS raspberry with sunset colored glass fleck.


Pictured with Adrian Brody and the word "MAN" subtly cropped in -- partly to appease any rage-prone Bieber haters, partly because I like Adrian Brody, or "Abes," or "A-Bro" as I call him.

July 4th 2011

Mardi party was awesome as usual. If you didn't go I hope you had a really good reason, like "I'm not awesome enough".

I was up til 3 the night before layering Jell-O, rolled out of bed at 11 AM, finished Jell-O stuff and packed everything up. I hit a local BBQ joint (I can't help myself, I knew I would be eating grilled things later but it's really good - Carolina Smoke BBQ in Country Village) and went to fetch Freddy and we drove up around 4, narrowly avoiding being hit by insane drivers on I-5. Very adventurous.

There were no potato guns this year which saddened me. There were seersucker shorts (Jimmy, who always wears the best pants/shorts) and A FEW Tabbings, although once again no one Tabbed/Iced me - I don't know whether to be relieved or feel unpopular and cry. I think next time I need to ice other people - there needed to be more of it. Jessica made a really good pasta salad and I had about four servings of it. Someone (I don't know who, but I need to find out) made really good cupcakes. I may have removed the bacon topping. I just wanted that frosting. God it was good.
I told him to wave. Aw!

Mardi made Irish Car Bombs and they did not get me trashed. Magic. The kids set off fireworks at the beach and came home with all ten fingers -- also magic. I made Jell-O shot cups and they seemed well-received, especially the ones with alcohol in them. Note to self: people like alcohol.
Those little dust balls are fireworks!

Then Freddy told Jessica and I scary stories and Jessica told Freddy and I scary stories (you guys scarred me for life), I got home at 4 AM and chased my cat around. That is not a euphemism. The cat likes to play hide and seek. Also not a euphemism. Oh, and Mardi gave me a party favor from her businessman's suitcase. THAT is a euphemism.

Woke up at noon, felt lucky for being able to take the day off. Now I'm lounging around drinking coffee, smelling like a bonfire while Brandon listens to podcasts (".NET? More like .NERD! Haw, haw!"). Later I'm going to another BBQ.

Thanks to Mardi for another amazing year and hey - we should all pool our resources and buy her an hour or two of Merry Maids. Not joking.
Faye sleepy/hung over


Sweet girls who get drunk and then start shit over nothing? Stop it! Bad!

If you are an overly sensitive/rude drunk, consider not getting drunk.

If you're a loud drunk that tells awesome stories that scare me, consider moving into my house and letting me feed you booze. ^_^

This has been a PSA.
Gentleman Cat II


I cut my eyelid. I am not pleased. I was leaning too far forward into my car door in the dark and WHAM, totally nailed myself with the sharp pointy part of it. Disaster! Especially since I'm so vain! It'll probably be a teeny scar. I hate to resort to metrics but it's about a centimeter long.


We usually have a 1960s-1970s radio station playing at work. I assume this is true for a lot of places. My coworkers are mostly middle-aged and I think this calms them. But as a younger, bitter, neurotic woman, it has a different effect on me. Certain songs of the 70s sound dismissive of the women in the songs, and none of the guys sound hot enough to pull it off. I have decided to rewrite several of them.

Rambling Man -
"Lord, I was born kind of a dick
Tryin' to make a livin' and doin' the best I can
When it's time for leaving, I hope you understand
I was born ... kind of a dick"

Brandy -
"But he had always told the truth, Lord, he was an honest man
And Brandy does her best to understand, despite her small, female, barmaid's brain"

(Brandy actually isn't a bad song but that line about her *trying* to understand always makes me laugh)

But perhaps my head wound is exacerbating my bitterness.

In other news, this (the penguins in sweaters story) is adorable. Thank you for that, desolina, it totally made my evening better.